i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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