Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
