Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
