dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
