just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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