Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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