theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
