there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
