I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
