That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
