the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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