Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
