sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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