Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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