Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
