dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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