Is it because I queefed?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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