Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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