The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
