Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
