I'm gonna have a badass scar
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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