He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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