Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
