you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
