see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
