babies were throwing up all over the place
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
