I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
