apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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