Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
