In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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