I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
