You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
