So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
