Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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