ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
