She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's never too late to be topless.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
