I want to make a zoo with you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
