I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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