I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
