You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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