my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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