you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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