don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
