that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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