im having a threesome with these popsicles
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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