we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
