it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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