Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
