Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
