...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
