alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
