I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
