I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Best friends brother. Beat that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Never underestimate the power of titties
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
