I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
