Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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