is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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