I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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