think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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