I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
