From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize