everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
