just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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