she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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